Topless happy birthday, babe! I’m sorry I totally forgot... I just got so distracted hanging out with my friends. And then there was this guy. He was so hot and I was so horny, so I went home with him. You know you get it. You’re so vanilla and boring and have never pleased me sexually. And from what I can tell, telling you about my sexcapade is turning you on. Maybe I could invite him over tonight... I think that would be the perfect birthday present for you!