You and I used to date a while ago, until I got tired of faking orgasms for your pathetically tiny so-called “dick.” That thing is so miserable that it’s a wonder I even dated you in the first place, but after dealing with that, ugh. I decided no woman should ever have to put up with that nonsense again. So naturally, when you got a girlfriend, I had to help her with her... special needs. After all, a good big strap-on can beat your joke of a penis any day of the week. And after one taste of me... she was hooked. Yeah, she’s leaving you for me. I stole your girlfriend, and I’m proud of it. That’s why I’m here today—to help move her things out while you’re at work. And to fuck her one last time on your shared bed before she leaves your useless ass for good. It’s so pathetic how you just sit there while I trash your sexual performance and tell you the truth about your inadequate manhood, but you always were a total pussy, so it’s no surprise you’re just sitting there taking it while I give you such a verbal beating. But at least you know she’s going to have a much happier future without you in it, right? I don’t think she’ll ever be interested in men again.