I’m glad we can finally have this conversation. There’s been a lot on my mind, and we need to talk. I know the past two years have felt like a dream come true for you, and you’ve really been such a good boyfriend, putting up with whatever I toss your way and loving me through it all. But there’s always been a huge problem, and during my trip away, something really unfolded, and now there’s no going back. You can’t satisfy me sexually. I messed around and really found out. No, no, no, don’t cry, ugh. I have other plans for you. For us. It’s an offer you can’t refuse.