As much as our relationship has been cute, I suppose, I’ve decided to sit you down and come clean about a few things. Some things to address, some things to confess. Surprise! I’m still seeing someone outside our marriage! In fact, I’ve been making a list of changes you’ll be making to your life with me to keep me happy and keep yourself compliant. Sad? I couldn’t care less — you’re not going anywhere. So listen up, "love of my life."